Hello BJ Williams!
Post your articles here, I'm sure you will get enough criticism to improve them before publication.
If you want to send them by e-mail, my adress is: s_bryane@yahoo.com

I am a britishman to the backbone and proud of it.
i suspect your forum to be some irish scam hideout
u better prove it wrong suckers

Well said, you who are from Germany. I totally agree with

Hi BJ

i read your story, it's quite creative and interesting. Whether it 's good or not depends on your audience, i mean i can see myslef enjoying watching it as a movie or reading it if i was still younger,12 to 15 or so. otherwise it is a little dry for adults. i mean, you give too much descriptive information on the immediate environment, but the story does not evoke any deeper thoughts in the reader's mind. if you do that, you can even stretch it out to be a novel. for example, Allan says BJ always tell weird and hard to belive stories. but most readers dont take it as that only.perhaps throw in an example of something that happened earlier in the month or the year.

and develop your characters more.the reader needs to know the kind of person each of them are, so that when they say or do something, it is sort of expected of them to do that.otherwise,everything is just a long and fast adventure which is very ard to believe.

when an event happens in the short fiction,the characters should respond in a way that normal people would respond.if i found myself in a strange place in the blink of an eye, the last thing i would do is to take pictures to show myfriends.i'm not saying i wouldnt,but talk about the initial shock first,in a real and yet not very dramatic way.when you read stephen king, you know some of the things could never happen in real life, but at the same time, you feel like you are part of a weird and magical world.i think if you can add that kind of a feel to the short fictions, you'll create something great as well.

and leave somethings to the mind.for example, you could say "it had been three hours since the band left the university.BJ woke up with a terrible headache.as he adjusted his thoughts, Dr M was shout to the top of his voice into the intecom. the bus was slowing down and pooling into a garage." and then you can tell about how they all got out for a stretch.

like i said, it depends on your audience, some details are too much for teenage "junior High" kind of books, and some books too shallow for soul searching, meaning looking, or time passing people. all the best with your writing, however

Thanks for the advice...I will work to integrate that into some of my newer stories.

 
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